Bali – 2002

Starlight deep on dusty sidewalk, People call me God… but surprisingly for a boy, my real name is Joy, I say to the virgin standing on the other side of a severed leg.

Waiting for her to open slammed-shut eyes, saltwater trickles deliciously down the back of my throat, breath fast from running, cool sand stuck to bare feet.

Wiggling toes, licking salty lips, starlight splashing a sheen from my jet-black skin, bouncing to her small brown face.

Eyelids twitching, Allah, her timid voice begs, eyes flash open, pupils circle under the growing rain of starlight, eyes expanding to reveal the street, her head twitches, huh, she says, I’m still in Bali, a small face moving from side to side, I’m supposed to be in, ummm… p, p, paradise, hands quickly sliding down her new body in rapidly increasing light, I’m… I’m wearing a DRESS, I’m a… I’m a KID, the sweet young voice coming from her mouth deeply confusing to new ears, and, I’m a… GIRL.

Smiling at her, We are, forever young, my tone perfectly calm, taking a breath of starlight air, we are, 10-years-old, or so… my name is Joy, and your name is, ‘India,’ offering oasis scented palms to the shimmer above.

Joy, huh, weeeew that’s a weird name for a boy, staring at me with creases, looking down at the severed leg on the ground between us, face narrowing, That’s, that’s… her voice thinner.

Yes India, that leg… was your leg, waiting a moment, a young man’s leg, the young man that you were, sitting in a minivan, with a bomb, just moments ago, my words pumping sticky emotions from her thoughts into thickening blood.

She says nothing, taking a desperate breath.

India, wiggling my toes faster, look at your old, severed leg, it’s bent at the knee, speaking as gently as I can, even in death, it looks like it’s trying to run, I lean forward, trying to get somewhere, yes, in a big, BIG hurry, my shoulders, neck and breath relaxing, drying sand falling from feet.

Looking up under starlight shimmering, frustrated and confused in the dust, her new, young chest puffing in and out, I thought… I thought I was getting… 72 virgins.

Ahhh, I reply softly, you… you are one, one of the virgins.